Let’s start with the obvious — this hotel is not a 5-star resort. In fact, calling it 3-star would still be a stretch. Honestly, it’s a very tired 3-star, and that’s me being polite. The “five stars” in the name must have been awarded by themselves after a particularly strong cocktail (which they wouldn’t know how to make) We arrived late afternoon, ready to check in — only to be told our room wasn’t available until the next day. Instead, we’d be staying in “the villa” for one night. Sounds idyllic, right? Think again. Meanwhile, my in-laws were offered a cash-only €50 “upgrade” for a balcony room. Bargain, we thought! Until they saw it — the balcony was so small you couldn’t fit a plastic chair on it, let alone enjoy a drink. So don’t fall for it — it’s more Juliet’s ledge than a balcony. Our temporary “villa” was, frankly, dreadful. Dirty, unsafe for kids, and clearly allergic to basic maintenance. The walls were peeling, things were falling apart, and I’m pretty sure “health and safety” had never been introduced to the place. The next day we were moved to our proper room, which thankfully was better — smaller, but at least clean. We were told to stay put in our villa until 12pm for the transfer, meaning we spent half our first day just waiting around. Holiday vibes: zero. The new room had a large bed and a bunk bed, which sounded fine until you looked closely. The top bunk was a hazard — my son could have easily rolled through the gap, and some of the slats had clearly been broken and “repaired” in a way that didn’t exactly inspire confidence. Wardrobe space was laughable. The bathroom? Let’s just say the toilet and shower were on very close terms. The shower flooded the floor, turning it into a makeshift paddling pool. If you’re big on cocktails or nice drinks on an all-inclusive holiday — don’t get your hopes up. The wine was terrible, and the cocktails were a creative disaster. The Pina Colada came without coconut (but with milk, because… why not?), and the Espresso Martini was also made with milk, so it curdled beautifully. Occasionally, the beach bar managed a half-decent Cosmo, but mostly it was liquid disappointment. Food-wise — meh. The same grilled fish, chicken, and turkey on repeat. Desserts looked like they belonged in a patisserie window but tasted of… nothing. The one shining light? The baklava — 10/10, no notes. Entertainment was surprisingly great! The kids’ mini disco was a hit — though someone should tell the DJ that “the kiddo disco doesn’t need the base booster on to deafen the children. The adult shows were on a 10-night rotation and genuinely entertaining. That said, the stage flooring looked unsafe, and the popcorn/candyfloss stall was pure temptation torture for kids — not included in the all-inclusive, and the vendor was puffing away like a chimney right over the food. Lovely By this point, it was clear we were visiting at the end of the season, and staff were more focused on packing up sunbeds than serving guests. Supplies were running low, and enthusiasm even lower. Speaking of staff — 98% looked miserable. Duran at the bar looked like he was plotting his escape every time someone asked for a drink, miserable and rude! The exceptions were Hasan, an absolute gem — always smiling, skating around, and genuinely trying to make guests happy — and Maya, who helped us during checkout. In summary, this “5-star” resort should not be sold to the British public or be labelled — or anyone expecting a genuine luxury holiday. Come for the baklava, stay for Hasan, your children may seriously hurt themselves on the dodgy tiling and flooring but expect much else.