It's always tricky to rate a hotel which is pretty much 100% about its location. If you're looking for a pristine and secluded beach destination, Desroches absolutely delivers - perfect sand, warm and clear water, palm trees, and stunning sunsets. The location is without doubt one of the most beautiful beach spots I've been to - it reminds me quite a bit of Amanpulo in the Philippines, although Desroches is a far bigger island. The hotel though, I found quite disappointing on many counts. My room (207) was really quite bland, even though I had been upgraded to a room on the "better" west side of the island where the water is calmer and there are more palm trees. The main lobby and pool area, where the restaurants Claudine and Ahi are located, equally just really didn't have any vibe - and everything is crammed together in one place so there are no quiet spots on the island where you can relax while still having hotel service. Amazingly, on the first day, the already charmless ambiance in the main area was nuked even further by the fact that they were playing nauseating children's music for hours on end (including bangers such as "Mummy Has Another Baby In Her Belly"), which I found totally ridiculous - if you want to cater to kids fine, but don't do it at the expense of your other guests. They have an entire island of space to play with and they decide that their kids event has to be directly in the face of customers who are there for a quiet, relaxing time! Inexcusable, especially considering how much you're paying for the privilege of being there. On top of that, the food was so disappointing, and it's the classic case where you since you have no other option, so they get away with murder charging you insane prices for mediocre food. Under ordinary circumstances, I would've quickly stopped eating at the hotel and looked for some other restaurant. My meal at the Lighthouse was probably the best I had, but none of it was impressive. The pizza was especially tragic. There are 3 marked beaches on the map they orient you with when you arrive - Madam Zabre, Aquarium, and Coral. Bizarrely, not a single member of staff knew what I was talking about when I asked them where Coral beach, despite it being clearly labelled on their own map. The beaches are abandoned most of the time, so if you want service - to get a drink, a bite, some insect repellent, you're out of luck. Certain areas of the island (especially when the tortoises are around) are absolutely overrun by mosquitos - you will get annihilated and they don't seem to be doing much to control their mosquito situation, which you would think is pretty easy given they're on an island. To get around you're given a bike, which is a nice touch, and they personalise it by putting letters with your initials on them so you can keep track. Clever, you think at first, until you realise that the letters aren't held in place in the display in any way, and will fly out on multiple occasions as you traverse the uneven roads, forcing you to stop, turn back and pick them up numerous times. Super annoying. I wasn't the only one this happened to, I saw a letter from someone else's bike on the floor at some point. The metal basket will also make a constant clanking sound as your phone, key etc bounce around in it which becomes very grating after a while. They could make the experience so much better by improving the bikes a bit given how much you use them - a basket which has a bit of upholstery to cushion the noise of contents moving around, no holes for things to fall through, and while they're at it they should stick a map of the island into the interior of the basket so you can conveniently glance at it while you get around. The biking is also made worse by the fact that some members of staff drive around way too fast on the golf carts, especially at nights when the bikes are not easily visible. I saw one golf cart run over a lizard - that's how fast it was going. Appalling. The staff are nice and eager to help, but I still came away with the impression that this hotel is entirely coasting on its unbelievable location, without much else to recommend it. As a result, it will probably be my only visit.