Grand Teguise Playa

A bit indecisive on whether this hotel deserves a three or a four star - but I inevitably gave it a three, and you may see why by the end of the review. Firstly, the obvious - the location and the general look and atmosphere of the hotel is stunning. The lobby is incredible, the reception is modern, all of the toilets are clean and sleek, as well as there being a variety of toilet locations so you are never particularly far from one. The seafront views are second-to-none and the balconies are amazing to hear the waves & people watch from. Furthermore, the location is perfect, near to a large beach and a smaller more 'secluded' one with a strip of bars, nightclubs, all you can eat restaurants, a local Spar [which is actually quite cheap in all fairness] and excursion centers [which are cheaper than any in-hotel service, by the way]. Speaking of, the drop-off and pick-up locations are great too, whereas other local hotels can sometimes have a harder time in this regard. However, whilst this all seems good, that is sort of where the positives begin to end a bit. My main issue with this hotel was undeniably the food - whilst it wasn't 'bad' food, what was poor was the selection - quite frankly, it was the worst I have ever experienced. The facilities available are simply inadequate, not just for the number of guests, but there is often subpar food pairings and just a wider lack of options. With a space this small, it is actually not a good decision to have a rotating menu for dinner because you simply will run into a day where you do not know what to make because there's nothing that you really want. I've never been to a hotel before where that's been an issue. Not only this, but the daytime barbecue is simply not good enough when the snack bar by the pool is a) something half of the guests don't know is even there, and b) also very lacking in regards to variety with no hot food options available. I waited for 30(!) minutes in a place with no WiFi whatsoever to receive a tinned hotdog and a burger which, although nice, is a far cry from some of the other poolside burgers I have had from *3* star resorts in the past. The fries here were also cold and wet and the structure of the barbecue rushes you even when you have waited an unacceptable length of time to get the food in the first place. Another issue with the pool is that, although there is signposting saying that there shall be no reserving of sunbeds, this rule is not enforced and thus totally ignored. In the entire duration of this holiday, I spent one hour on a sunbed. One hour. After being at the pool for hours every day - for only one hour were there free sunbeds that we could actually use. Unless you plan to be up at 7 in the morning to reserve a sunbed, you will not get one. That's a promise. This I know because I saw numerous sunbeds left vacant for hours on end, with people even rushing over to shout at people who lay down on empty reserved sunbeds simply to walk off again, with no intervention from any member of staff. It's also a lie to proclaim that there's more sunbeds than guests - there may be more *seating* but there is certainly not more sunbeds. Other than that, though, I thought the pool was great - a nice wind, the heated pool was excellent, the pool bar did get long lines due to only one bar member. There are soft & hot drinks on tap, yet I have had other hotel experiences where there has been a larger variety of self-serving drinks and I think this hotel could benefit from following suit because the pool bar is sort of tucked away and quite small. Whilst the snack bar itself was honestly inadequate, I still liked some of the food options there, but it simply is not up to par with many other resorts. Another problem that I have with this hotel does sit with the entertainment area - I am sure you already know about the rotating seating. It is an amazing concept and of course it is a novelty of the hotel, but what benefits does it actually bring? Well... none. If you sit on these seats, 50% of your evening is spent looking at a blank, dark wall with [again] poor signal, and if you do not sit on these seats, the fact that they spin around means that access to the bar is cut off all of the time because you have to walk through thin pathways due to the actual designs with the plants and the water. The long sofas will cover your access to the bar so you have to walk around these seats or if the line is long enough you will have to keep shifting around to avoid the couches. Speaking of the plants, though, they also cover the entertainment all. of. the. time. Don't get me wrong, it looks beautiful, but it also makes it impossible to actually see the entertainment when there are shrubs and trees all over the place. Someone did not think this through when putting plants all around this stage and deciding to make all of the forward-facing seats be really far away due to the water, and having the close seats be rear-facing so the entertainers are never looking this way. Therefore, although the entertainment can be good [although sometimes it was clear the sound engineer was not that skilled and it became very hard to hear singers actually sing through loud muffles], you can't see it, at least not as well as you would at a different hotel, which kind of defeats the purpose of having it. So a lot of the upsides of this hotel are to do with the location and local businesses, not the hotel itself. The food is not great. The design is style over substance clearly. Rules are lax and thus holiday makers not respectful of your presence. The staff are amazing, of course, very polite, but it appears that the hotel itself must be understaffed or very inefficiently ran because service is clearly slow even though the staff themselves have no faults. The hotel is clearly a three star resort. It does nothing except 'look good' that would make it a four star, and in many instances, it actually has worse facilities than an upper-end three star resort. But the location is simply unbeatable. So if you want to stay here should depend on how long you intend to spend inside of the resort [in this case, not that long] - but at that point, why not just go somewhere cheaper?

Good hotel but not worth the much bigger prices. Most of the staff are really good mainly the resteraunt staff. The cleaners could be better on days. The food is good on most days but went half board. So the drinks to buy are quite expensive. The pool entertainment is not that good but a very small team to complement a real busy area. The night entertainment was good on some occasions but the sound system doesn’t match the size of the area and is very difficult to hear. That’s a shame cause some of the entertainment was good. The rooms are decent but the mattresses are harder as it is with most hotels. It’s lovely inside and has great views and sights to see. Lots of pros n cons to it and would I return ? Probably not

Very nice hotel, food excellent, staff mostly pleasant & friendly & everywhere inside hotel & around pool area spotlessly clean & well maintained. However, I've only rated this a 2 star purely because Lanzarote as a whole is not what it used to be & we've been going for many years. Unfortunately, this is purely down to the English! It should be renamed Costa del Essex! Like many holidays destinations, they've ruined it!

First time at this hotel , and we went half board. So glad we did as food was a bit hit and miss and lots of unhappy customers with it. The hotel itself is spotless and the staff are so very friendly . The beds weren’t very comfortable and had broken sleep throughout our 10 night stay. Sun beds well you have to get up early to get one , but if you’re not bothered there are plenty of seating areas . Wouldn’t say I would never go back , but wouldn’t rush too.

I've been to this hotel three times and it never fails to impress me. The staff are friendly and hard working, the hotel is clean and tidy, nothing is too much trouble. You get the same issue here as you do with many hotels, the sunbed hoggers. You could see empty loungers that had towels on that had been left all day. Very sad people, you know who you are. I was in a party of five and we refused to stoop to those levels of pettiness. We were all inclusive and had no issue finding something to eat that we all liked. It was always well cooked and hot, and they were constantly filling up the food. The staff in the restaurant remembered you and would say hello, they were very friendly, especially Salim. The evening entertainment was a bit samey, in the 10 days I was there there were several acrobatic acts. It depended on who was serving at the bar to how good, strong the drinks were. You can only get two drinks at a time, which meant three of us had to go up together to order the drinks, not a massive issue, and we were served quickly. The bus network is also good, you download the app and you can see live information on the times and bus routes, it was easy to jump on and go and explore. There are supermarkets across the road, and plenty of shops. I can't fault this hotel, the location or the helpful staff, I will definitely be back for a fourth visit.